sensory breakdown
Sep. 16th, 2009 09:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
noellenoI understand that a lot of people today would describe our connections with other people as less personal as they used to be, since most young people spend more time talking to the text of their friends/family than actually being face to face. When I see public interest stories about the internet or communication technology, it comes up a lot. And they always ask random people if they think people today are less involved with each other than "back in the day" or what have you.
I don't really buy it, though. This is the same kind of talk that came up when the telephone was invented. The fear that this was/is breakdown of the human connection. Enabling people to say "Good night, I love you" to their friends/family halfway across the world in a different timezone. Yeah. Breakdown. Sure.
Some people would think having your closest friends hundreds of miles away is sad. Some would think that only being able to talk to these people on the internet or via cell phone is pathetic. I don't really buy it.
I mean, yeah. I want to be able to reach over and hug my friends when they're hurting or feel lonely. I want them to be able to hug me when I feel the same. But even if I can't, there is nobody to blame for that, is there? This world allows us to reach over and say hello to someone thousands of miles away like it's no big thing. There's nothing pathetic about that. It's sad, though, because we're still humans and social creatures, and part of being social involves our sense of touch.
I'm not ashamed of my social life. I understand, though, when my parents become concerned that I don't hang out with people here. I do have friends here, near home. But they are not as close as the ones I have here. I'm more comfortable talking about myself to someone when I don't have to use my voice. I cry easy (LOL CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE I mean honestly). It's uncomfortable. It's not here, though. At least, not with some of the best friends I have here.
I'm not saying my parents think I'm some basement dweller with no life. They know I have friends. I tell them about you guys (well, some of you). Becky updates--adventures in Japanaland. Dre updates--adventures in PuertoRicoland. Garrett updates-- aka "the guy who screams during football". Since you're not just words on a screen (PS they're not very detailed updates, since I don't like to share stuff you might find personal so don't worry on that respect. it's mostly just "oh so and so went to somesuch and had dinner with soandso or soandso saw a concert here).
I don't know what kind of person I'd be if I didn't have you guys. Honest to God, I was the biggest sheep when I was young. Whatever a friend thought was cool I automatically emulated. My personal tastes and beliefs were set aside for the sake of being acceptable. Looking back, I'm really ashamed and embarrassed I was so easily swayed from the things I cared about. Still, I don't think it could've been any other way.
The support to be me comes from you, and if I didn't have you, I'd still be them, and I'd still be secretly disgusted with myself. Never in a million years would I have been strong enough to explore my own beliefs and interests without people here proving to me that being different doesn't automatically mean being wrong. The fact that I have been able to grow in this way has led me to such a good place in my sense of self.
I'm still making mistakes, here and there. It's what humans do. We slip up. We screw around. We fritter time away and look back and shake our heads. But that doesn't make us bad people. It makes us people. And it makes us alive. And life is so full of crazy shit that it's unbelievable.
I think maybe my parents are scared that I won't have a support system for when things go bad when they're not around anymore. I appreciate this, but I think they are wrong. After all the bad stuff that's been going on in my life, I've had people here to listen to me unload and rage and cry and all that bad jazz. I get a lot of love from here--even if there's nothing to be said or done to really help. Just the notion of being there is enough sometimes.
The only thing I really, really miss are hugs.
I don't really buy it, though. This is the same kind of talk that came up when the telephone was invented. The fear that this was/is breakdown of the human connection. Enabling people to say "Good night, I love you" to their friends/family halfway across the world in a different timezone. Yeah. Breakdown. Sure.
Some people would think having your closest friends hundreds of miles away is sad. Some would think that only being able to talk to these people on the internet or via cell phone is pathetic. I don't really buy it.
I mean, yeah. I want to be able to reach over and hug my friends when they're hurting or feel lonely. I want them to be able to hug me when I feel the same. But even if I can't, there is nobody to blame for that, is there? This world allows us to reach over and say hello to someone thousands of miles away like it's no big thing. There's nothing pathetic about that. It's sad, though, because we're still humans and social creatures, and part of being social involves our sense of touch.
I'm not ashamed of my social life. I understand, though, when my parents become concerned that I don't hang out with people here. I do have friends here, near home. But they are not as close as the ones I have here. I'm more comfortable talking about myself to someone when I don't have to use my voice. I cry easy (LOL CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE I mean honestly). It's uncomfortable. It's not here, though. At least, not with some of the best friends I have here.
I'm not saying my parents think I'm some basement dweller with no life. They know I have friends. I tell them about you guys (well, some of you). Becky updates--adventures in Japanaland. Dre updates--adventures in PuertoRicoland. Garrett updates-- aka "the guy who screams during football". Since you're not just words on a screen (PS they're not very detailed updates, since I don't like to share stuff you might find personal so don't worry on that respect. it's mostly just "oh so and so went to somesuch and had dinner with soandso or soandso saw a concert here).
I don't know what kind of person I'd be if I didn't have you guys. Honest to God, I was the biggest sheep when I was young. Whatever a friend thought was cool I automatically emulated. My personal tastes and beliefs were set aside for the sake of being acceptable. Looking back, I'm really ashamed and embarrassed I was so easily swayed from the things I cared about. Still, I don't think it could've been any other way.
The support to be me comes from you, and if I didn't have you, I'd still be them, and I'd still be secretly disgusted with myself. Never in a million years would I have been strong enough to explore my own beliefs and interests without people here proving to me that being different doesn't automatically mean being wrong. The fact that I have been able to grow in this way has led me to such a good place in my sense of self.
I'm still making mistakes, here and there. It's what humans do. We slip up. We screw around. We fritter time away and look back and shake our heads. But that doesn't make us bad people. It makes us people. And it makes us alive. And life is so full of crazy shit that it's unbelievable.
I think maybe my parents are scared that I won't have a support system for when things go bad when they're not around anymore. I appreciate this, but I think they are wrong. After all the bad stuff that's been going on in my life, I've had people here to listen to me unload and rage and cry and all that bad jazz. I get a lot of love from here--even if there's nothing to be said or done to really help. Just the notion of being there is enough sometimes.
The only thing I really, really miss are hugs.
