noelleno | *types forever*

2008 has been one of the most creatively dry years of my life, where I've found no satisfaction in anything I've drawn, and continue to do so. It's made me question my ability to draw and create for a living, and, after some serious talk with my dad, made me realize that I really don't know what will make me happy career-wise.

I've come to the realization that I've got no work ethic, and that I've been basically living my student-life as if I were still in high school. I've worked, but not all year round, and now that I desperately want work, I can't find it. Once May comes around, I'll need it, because that will be the start of...paying everything back. So things have to change.

The beginning of the year I was the sickest I'd ever been (right before and slightly during my trip, too!) that I can recall, and shortly after my 21st birthday my arthritis came out of remission, and continues to make it difficult to walk/stand up/sit down. My eyes got bad again, and I had to start wearing glasses once more.

My car crapped out on me a couple times, which cost money. My cat got a hematoma in her ear and they botched fixing it, which cost money. Wayne State demanded $3,500 for a semester I didn't stay there, which is still costing money. Money, money, money.

Fandom may have taken up way too much of my time, and I will need to pull away from it more next year. Same goes with rp, because the hours I've spent with that could have been hours used to improve myself. Internet in general may fall under this category.

This past year I've felt my most unreliable, my most useless, and most anxious. The pressure to get done with school, get a real job, pay back my parents, and pay back my loans is nearly suffocating. I don't take roadblocks well--I tend to just give up when the challenge looks too overwhealming. I'll have to learn to be more ambitious. Proactively ambitious.

It hasn't all been miserable. Not by a long shot. I got to visit Becky and she and her family welcomed me to their home for near a week, and I got to get a more positive perspective on the-state-I-hate-Florida, and got to see some really beautiful trees and churches. I got to go to the zoo with my school friends, and to the renaissance festival with Nick.

On that note, I finally got the balls to tell Nick how I felt, which as turned out to be one of the smarter things I've done in the year. Despite my past fears and pressures of close relationships, I've never felt so comfortable being myself around someone. I don't feel the need to put up a pretense, nor am I feeling forced to be some kind of idealized girlfriend, which I certainly am not. I love him, and am grateful he can love me back, despite my quirks and totally unromantic ideas of fun ~~buying comic books and eating out and whining about fandoms lol~~.

My parents got me the one thing I've been whining to have for years--a cat. So now I have Nieva to cheer me up/drive me insane/lay on me and purr when I'm bumming out. I also got Steven Seagull, my Sebring, which has been (for the most part) reliable and not as terrifying to drive as my old Cougar or the Escort.

Got lots of DVDs, lots of fabulous shirts, the Xbox, and pink fuzzy bunny slippers. Life's been generous.

I also made a buttload of new friends on here, through Capstara, KC, C&C, and the assorted friend memes I've trolled and capslocked in. I could have a really bummy day and whine about it, and folks here would come up with something that totally makes it okay. I'm really grateful for that.

Capstara was fun while it lasted, though I do remember the last month or so dripping with cranky wank and drama as I slowly slipped out of it to do other things. Still, there are some of you guys from there still lurking around, and we did have a hella lotta fun, so thank you. And thanks for sticking around, despite the fact that I don't really...care about Avatar anymore! Ha ha.
•Love for

orepookpook, who migrated with me, and got into Vinland and KC with me, and has always been a darling and great rantfriend.
•Love for

bnniesmenolikey,

dietotaku,

hollywoodism,

iamfrompluto, and

xlovelylightx, for capslocky screamings and nonsense and shipping and rantrantrantrage.
•Love for

musachan and your ravings, artings, and general fabulosity.

KC ate my soul. My soul. From April, all through the summer, and into the fall where I slowly started to ease out for the sake of my grades. I had a lot of good laughs, maybe more than my share of aggravation, but you guys really know how to make a girl feel welcome and have a good time. I only wish I was into some of the stuff you guys were, because it's a little difficult connecting when interests don't align. Still.
•Love for

dethroned_king, who I dragged in with me, and is the Gray to my Lina. He takes teasing like a champ, and is full of nonsense and magic.
•Love for

xx_affliction, who deserves way more than she's got. I tend to feel like a pest in her regard, but she's always given me love and support, even when her own problems were weighing her down. I pray for the day she can get out of that rotten living situation and be really happy.
•Love for

luckythirteenth, who is the sweetest, friendliest thing ever, and always made me feel loved and welcome, especially when I was feeling cranky and isolated.
•Love for

annalol, who is...Anna. Lmfao. Thanks to her for screaming about Blue Beetle with me, even though I'm sure there were other things she could scream about instead.
•Love for

garfieldlogan who is my Bob forever.
•Love for

spanishwire, who can scream about comics with me anyplace, anytime, and has such good taste.
•Love for

roxasmysoxas and your creepish waving forever and sweet, sweet little characters.
•Love for

squareorange, the sweetest thing in the history of ever, who has succumbed to my comic-y ways, and is only better for it, I promise! Made me love the Doctor, and still makes me love Question.
•Love for

smilles,

jupiterk,

liizziioo,

mmwatchasay,

faggoty,

eklutna,

elwhyenen,

pintextman,

landcow,

siofrafiore,

bangflip,

hairflip,

gingers, and holy crap all 9 million of you on there who fill my life with retardation and edible glass.

C&C now has full ownership of my soul, thanks to

slothfulsamoyed and everyone on there. I've never had so much fun (and stress!) in a community like that, and at the end of the day, I feel like the time I've spent there's been well worth the lack of sleep. I've made some real fantastic friends, who I hope I will keep well beyond this comm.
•Love for

stutterbird, father of my unborn children and sweetest girl in the universe. Keysmashing and screaming about Initiative and Beetle are real highlights to my days, and I love you and thank you.
•Love for

caress_the_gun...however...disturbing she may be. She makes me feel loved and important, and I'm always grateful for a good ego boost! Thank you.
•Love for

tussah who is like one of the most fun people to write character reactions to no lie. Best. Roomie. Ever. I MISS YOU.
•Love for

riprosencrantz, who is always sweet and reasonable and a delight to talk to.
•Love for

pridefall, my waifu forever.
•Love for

jamaillith, who makes everything hysterical and fun and is all-around one of the best people to talk to no matter what.
•And all of yous guys over there who drive me insane! <3

Okay groups are done, so now--

childofmars: I love you and thank you for just being you. I don't deserve you a bit. Don't ever doubt how much I care, even if I don't say it--I just suck at being honest sometimes. But you know you rock my world and you always make me feel like the most important girl in the world. Ilu. But no, no Zatanna costume.

ruffwriter: I apologize 8 million times for being such a flake, and I won't blame you for holding it against me, seriously. You are genuinely the greatest, and I miss our project and crazy rantings and I want them back! Thank you for putting up with me, and thank you for letting me visit--I hope it wasn't an inconvenience in any way.

dreadable: WHAT WOULD MY LIFE BE WITHOUT YOU. What was my life before? Before the psychotic keysmashes, the screaming, the scaly green panties...I can't even recall. You are the best. YOU ARE. And you will continue to be the best probably until the world implodes.

fightfair: I'm going to be writing letters at you again whether you like it or not. Because I love your letters. And your perfect little capitalized penmanship. And your drawings--I wish you would believe HALF the good stuff people say about your fabulous art because it's true! Also that corn chocolate stuff might be made with crack. I'm kind of hungry for it.

iowabarbidoll: I miss talking to you, but I know you're working hard to keep food on the table for you and your kids, and that life has been rather mean to you this past year. I will always hope and pray that better things come your way, and that you always get the chance to do what you love to do, no matter what.

errorism: Retard. :)

teufelsblumen: I always pray for your health and happiness, even if we don't speak as often as we used to. Like I told you--thirty years can go by and you can come out of the blue and touch base again and I will hold no grudges for lost time. So long as you do the same, yeah?

leeann_marie: I still owe you that trip to Calder's. :)

And those that I haven't mentioned--I haven't forgotten. There's just SO MANY OF YOU, which is insane. I don't deserve so many people! Old friends, new friends...Thank you. Thanks for putting up with my ramblings, my screamings, my angstings, my giddy squealing...It might be kind of cheesy, but it's true that I do, in fact, say "God, please look out for my LJ friendslist" when I pray for intentions in church. You guys are on my mind, for sure, and I hope you all find lots of happiness and delicious food waiting for you in the new year. I know the economy's rough, and so are a lot of things, but I think my dad's right. Bad things don't last forever. Just make do the best you can until the good times--you might even make some good times out of the bad.

Someone remind me of that in February when Blue Beetle gets cancelled, ha ha! orz

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