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Man.
Looking back on Elfwood is a sad, sad thing. The rehaul is just not eyecatching at all. And I'm a fan of moss green and everything. Too much open space. Not enough coherency. But I guess it doesn't matter. This place is pretty much gasping for life at the back of the internet.
I remember how I felt when my (ridiculously in-depth, SAT-esque, elitist) application was processed and accepted, back in middle school. I remember running out of the computer room to my Mom and telling her that I got into some amazingly awesome art site and that I was a member and bleeblooblah. It was thrilling. I made so many wonderful friends there--some I still keep in contact with even now, others long gone or off the radar. It was really stimulating, and I was constantly drawing because of it. Art trades and whatnot.
Getting two front page features made me feel so important, wank that happened because of it aside. I wasn't very good at all (in retrospect, I was hideous and generic), but the fact that I was noticed meant a lot. It still does. I did something hundreds of people saw. It felt good.
The same goes for Sheezy. Man. When I got that two-month long artist feature, I was giddy. Just. Giddy. I was all over the place, talking to everything and everyone, buzzing around people's pages like crazy. Made lots of acquaintences, did lots of community activities...
It's not something I do anymore. School, life, laziness in general. But man. I miss it. A lot. I feel like I should be trying that again, now that I have a new account over at Dev. But that place has always felt so isolating to me. It's a "You must be [this] talented or submit [this] many pieces of fanart to be acknowledged" thing, compared to the others. And as much as I've tried to get past it, that lack of attention's always hampered my confidence. I have to try and keep things in perspective (considering the pace at which things are submitted, the demographics viewing at any given time...), but it gets discouraging nonetheless. Deviant-fame does not denote future success, but dammit if I don't feel like a loser treading water anyway.
Makes all the praise I've gotten in college very confusing to me. I never know who to believe and how much to believe. Should I seriously accept it when a department teacher tells me I have the best drawing ability in the program? What does that say about me? What does that say about the program? Because I know I'm not the best. I'm good, but I'm not the best.
I guess the point of that is...How loud should I toot my own horn?
Looking back on Elfwood is a sad, sad thing. The rehaul is just not eyecatching at all. And I'm a fan of moss green and everything. Too much open space. Not enough coherency. But I guess it doesn't matter. This place is pretty much gasping for life at the back of the internet.
I remember how I felt when my (ridiculously in-depth, SAT-esque, elitist) application was processed and accepted, back in middle school. I remember running out of the computer room to my Mom and telling her that I got into some amazingly awesome art site and that I was a member and bleeblooblah. It was thrilling. I made so many wonderful friends there--some I still keep in contact with even now, others long gone or off the radar. It was really stimulating, and I was constantly drawing because of it. Art trades and whatnot.
Getting two front page features made me feel so important, wank that happened because of it aside. I wasn't very good at all (in retrospect, I was hideous and generic), but the fact that I was noticed meant a lot. It still does. I did something hundreds of people saw. It felt good.
The same goes for Sheezy. Man. When I got that two-month long artist feature, I was giddy. Just. Giddy. I was all over the place, talking to everything and everyone, buzzing around people's pages like crazy. Made lots of acquaintences, did lots of community activities...
It's not something I do anymore. School, life, laziness in general. But man. I miss it. A lot. I feel like I should be trying that again, now that I have a new account over at Dev. But that place has always felt so isolating to me. It's a "You must be [this] talented or submit [this] many pieces of fanart to be acknowledged" thing, compared to the others. And as much as I've tried to get past it, that lack of attention's always hampered my confidence. I have to try and keep things in perspective (considering the pace at which things are submitted, the demographics viewing at any given time...), but it gets discouraging nonetheless. Deviant-fame does not denote future success, but dammit if I don't feel like a loser treading water anyway.
Makes all the praise I've gotten in college very confusing to me. I never know who to believe and how much to believe. Should I seriously accept it when a department teacher tells me I have the best drawing ability in the program? What does that say about me? What does that say about the program? Because I know I'm not the best. I'm good, but I'm not the best.
I guess the point of that is...How loud should I toot my own horn?
