hhhhhh

Sep. 25th, 2010 10:11 pm
noelleno: (BB: press pause please)
+2 )


So uh.

Our shower is leaking from the faucet and the showerhead, and we can't really...get it to stop. So tomorrow we have to call a plumber. Weekend plumbing rates...Nnnh. I feel like I'm going to be handing back the money Mom gave me. And then some.

Positive is that Ron Podell called to set up that interview. Negative is that my phone was on vibrate and I missed that call, but somewhat-positive is that he said to call him back. So I will first thing Monday morning. I hope I hope I hope I hope I need a job for winter.

I'm starting to feel a little anxious again, but I'm going to try to keep myself under control. Problems don't get solved in a panic.
noelleno: (DC: another moody atmosphere icon)
art dump including movement (every day, no exceptions) +6 )





Hhhh. I am just not feelin it anymore. *flips drawings

pencily

Jul. 19th, 2010 03:56 pm
noelleno: (SLAY: hhhhguys../)
Dinky sketchbook dump; +3 )


Did a little cleaning/reorganizing in my room. More floorspace, made-up bed. Gonna chill in here and see if I can't get more arty sitting like this than I could in the living room chair. WE'LL SEE. I'm just not pleased with this month artistically at all. :\
noelleno: (DC: so you'll go anyway)
I had a very embarrassing moment when I saw footage from the upcoming Green Hornet movie...To be honest, I'm only excited for it for my father. I want it to be one of our bonding movies. It's his childhood (he and my Uncle Greg used to play Green Hornet in the house).


But I forgot to tape it and Dad's gone to the hospital because they think my grandmother had a stroke.


Rollercoasters every day, y'all.


In other news, Eminem's new album is pretty fierce.
noelleno: (ANIM: it's an artform)
still music oh no )




My cat is being such a huge brat atm and it is a very real test on my patience. I need to keep positive, though, so that I can get through this long shift outside today without causing anyone undue bad vibes. I just wish there was some cereal or something to eat or anything, really, so that I don't have to go out and buy it. Mmmh.

The talking heads on the TV smile and smile about this heat like it's the best thing ever and I think that makes me more irate. I am not a summer kid.

Still, all the walks I've taken this year--the most walking I've done ever--gives me a chance to see more trees and leaves than I've ever bothered to notice before. And the sky is one of those absolute blues that you always want to see, so it does take the sting out of how bad it'll get today. The worst hot days are the ones where the sky looks hazy and off-white and just gross.




Alright cat keep it up and i will skin you
noelleno: (LEIJI: VAN HALEN LYRICS)
I've finally gotten a check that cracks over $400, barely. Small stepping stones. It's gonna be a rough fall, though, if I can't find another job to back me up on these two credit cards and the car insurance.
The sheer joy that I was riding on is really ebbing in the face of workworkwork and my silly little jittery moments about this or that, and I really want it to be Sunday for church already, but I have to wait. Wait and endure a long, long Saturday, and somehow find time to do my chores tonight and tomorrow before the folks get home and tread all over the floor?? Maybe I should just start mopping at midnight.
I don't have another day off until the end of next week aaahh and the heat is starting to rise aaaahhhh I haven't had enough time to walk lately aaaaaahhhhhhh.

Despite all of this, the sky outside is so insanely blue and amazing and today I saw a hummingbird up close and just two feet away from me. It's the first hummingbird I've ever seen in person before.

NOW THIS )
noelleno: (DC: i am a superb whistluh)
Okay, Storm of Swords, I forgive you. That was delicious. LONG AS HALE AND FULL OF OBNOXIOUS CLIFFHANGERS, but delicious. Lots of interesting happened here. A Feast for Crows is on the table next to me, and I'll begin inhaling that at work within an hour. And then......idk. Maybe I'll abstain from book binging again because LOL MY FREE TIME. Or maybe I'll reread the Aurian books cause I remember enjoying them but that was when I was an idiot child so maybe they suck. We'll see.

A thank you for the patience of the three who have me under commission at the moment. I can't do digital work while I'm in a tollbooth, so the going is slower than anyone would like. I'm off Monday, though, so I ought to put a good dent in things, mojo levels willing. God, I am so obviously not cut out to be an artist professionally if this is how it's gonna be. This realization is sobering, depressing, and outright unsurprising to my cyincal, self-hating self. Even the priest gets at me with the whole "stop beating yourself up gurl", rofl. :[

All my best to your mothers today, flist. Near, far, healthy, ill. Doesn't matter. I used to have a bit of resentment for my mother when I was younger. She had more fun with my little sister, and I bonded better with my father, so I'd always assumed there was a distance there--there was, but it was my making, not hers. Even now, I take note of every single moment we have a laugh together. Like yesterday. If I'd have stayed so prickly like I had in my stupid hormonal middle/high school years, I'd miss out on this shit. I'm doing something right, it seems. Even if I won't be the stellar, studious nurse daughter like her youngest.

I sometimes wonder what it'd be like to have a kid. How amazing it'd be to have someone to share stories and fun little secrets with and dote on them and watch them grow up. I don't think I ever will, though, and I know my mom and the rest of my friggin' family always says "That's what they all say!" whenever it's mentioned, but really. I don't think I could do good by a kid if I can't take care of myself wholly. I entertain the idea of adopting, but that's something to consider way, way, waaaay in the future. A more finanically and emotionally sound Elle could consider that, maybe.

And I guess I feel a little strange now that my parents seem to accept the fact that I may never get married. Or rather, there's less of a point made on me needing to seek someone out. That's all speculation and bound to change from day to day, because seriously, you never know, but. Hm. It's stranger now, I guess. Not alarming or hurtful or wonderful, just strange. Maybe it's because of what happened last summer when I had that little problem, and they don't want me to crack again while I'm doin' my thang in the tollbooth? Idk. I'd like to pretend I'm made of sturdier stuff than that.

I'll get me to a nunnery. (They wear comfortable shoes)
noelleno: (LEIJI: ghhhhh)
Drawing buildings every day made me unhappy. I will do a theme that makes me happy, and then make it up by doing something awful next month because the thing I love to do must be something that makes me upset, right?

...Lmao holy shit that sounds absolutely grouchy. UH ANYWAY I'M DOING DISNEY FOR MAY PLEASE TO BE ENJOYING. DRAW DISNEY EVERY DAY NO EXCEPTIONS +1 )


NONDISNEY +1 )



Guhh I am so put out by today. I'd hoped to be done with work by 2 so I could knifehand over and get me some free comics, but I ended up doing two booths from 9-6. All the DC releases were gone when I got to the store. :( So I bought Wonder Woman trades.

Sgdjsfk I was so cranky to Dad too when he called to ask if he should wait to start dinner it's just. Lmao I'm such a jerk. ;; I told him no but he saved it anyway and I couldn't eat it cause I'd already gotten somethigjnmkfd *RIPS OWN FACE OFF AND THROWS IT IN THE GARBAGE

L-lmao I'm such crud today I don't even
And I must be up at 5am tomorrow ghjfd *stares at work with dead eyes

I'll do something about commissions when I'm not being such...whatever this is




...WELL ON THE PLUS SIDE THIS MONTH'S GREEN LANTERN CORPS WAS MAGICALLY DELICIOUS AND I LOVE SALAAK AND VATH AND ISAMOT ARE STILL MARRIED NO DON'T ARGUE AGAINST IT??
And I do get out by 2 tomorrow so i'll have a lot of day and time before church so that should make me happy.

page 580

Apr. 21st, 2010 06:20 pm
noelleno: (DC: eh)
It's official. I love this series.

When you have the phrase "A single perfect tear" anywhere in your text? I am bound to like it, if only for that. Good job, G.R.R. Martin. I like you. I will devour the last 300 pages of this book and divebomb a bookstore for the next. :'|

School's done. The tests (except for gender) were awful today, and my GPA's going to look the lamest it's been in a long time. But I'm so over those classes right now that I could see the grades today and not give two shits. Next week, however...Eh. I don't know. I just want to relax; I haven't put myself into full working mode until May 1st. That's a little respite to get my sanity back, draw, and enjoy my birthday. Hell, I got $88 back for selling my schoolbooks, so I might be inclined to indulge and buy me a Disney movie. I want Tarzan.

IN THE MEANTIME...*gnaws on Clash of Kings
noelleno: (BLUE: ...kkkayyy..)
I've been walking around all day with that sticky-eyelid prelude-to-illness feeling, and I'd love to do nothing more than freebase vitamin C to prevent it if this wasn't my longass schoolday. One more class. Mildly freaked out about walking to my car! Warm weather = more muggers?? I don't know. Maybe I should, like, check my school's security page for the volunteers who walk you wherever you need to go. I'm such a tool, but at least I won't be the tool potentially attacked? Whatevs.

[livejournal.com profile] rawowner333 I bet you're reading this entry at some point today and let me just say THIS LUNCHROOM IS RONERY. But idk what you've been up to and my phone has no reception in here so OH WELL.

Uhh. Stuff. I don't know. It's always a little strange when people compliment my OCs or ideas; it's not something I can talk about in person, face-to-face, because I get frazzled and mumbly and start to downtalk it without realizing it. But it's just amazing to me that my stupid ideas seem significant to someone other than myself? Especially when I've been told "lol girl nobody cares about your ideas at your age" several times before. 8|a

But it does mean a lot to me, even if I just keysmash or say something stupid about it. I'm just not great at accepting praise?


Buh.


Friendships were discussed in gencomm today. We did an activity and had to list 10 close friends? And I...could barely crack 8? Not without rethinking what it meant to be a "close" friend. And after we discussed the variances on it for people it was easier, but it did make me realize how my friendships work between friends irl, online, and between genders for both. And that maybe I'm just not good at the styles of friendships as most people relate to. Female-wise, at least.

I'm not very good at long talks or deep conversation or being able to come up with something insightful to say. At least, I don't think so. And when someone gives me that kind of support, I don't know how to take it well? "Thank you" never seems enough, because it really isn't.

And even if I don't converse much...it doesn't make time spent around/with/doing something with someone any less valuable. The doing aspect of a friendship can be just as important as the saying. It's a more masculine approach, stereotypically, but everybody does it. I just hope I don't come across as too cold sometimes.


So tell me about what's been going on with you guys. I know I don't comment around as much as I ought to, but if there's something you wanna talk about? Bam. I'll try. I may not have great insight, but I do have funny icons?


I need to stop being so scared of the dark outside. Either that, or I need to make friends here. What the hale.
noelleno: (DC: another moody atmosphere icon)
I want my notifs, LJ. :T

Considered going to Ben's to get this week's comics, but reconsidered. I'll just get them next week. My knees hurt too much.

Why do I have to pay this stupid medical bill. $40 to tell the rhuematologist I didn't want an injection. Hhh.

We're eerily lucky, I think. This cold is horrendous, but I can see the grass in my yard, and we haven't had to use the salt trucks around the county too much. Knock on wood. There's still 57 or so days until spring.

ggggggg

Jan. 1st, 2010 10:33 am
noelleno: (SLAY: hhhhguys../)
I knew I was right about this damn sweater thing. You know that new fad of sweaters that have no damn sleeves but they have really huge neck thingies and they're really long down past the hips? Mom and Dad bought me one for Christmas and it looks really good on me but.

My arms are so cold, even with this longsleeve shirt underneath. THE TEMPERATURE LEVELS ARE ALL WONKED OUT. >8|;;


Today is the day my Nelnet loan payments are due. Today is the day I slowly panic about this, despite having proven my brokeass eligability for a delay. I do not know if I did it in time. I do not want a penalty. I hate money. I hate being a grownup I hateIhateIhateIhateIhate *SCREAMS


Good Lord help me just. HHHHHHHHHHHH.


i'll do this endofyear meme instead of eat before church that's a great idea )

Hurr hunger headache.,
noelleno: (MISC: you're wearing THAT shirt?)
Re: Vinland Saga #60: Dammit Einar don't make me like you just. Don't. Gggg.
Re: Fairy Tail #whatever just came out: WENDY HAS JOINED YOUR ENTOURAGE MORE PERMANENTLY, HOORAY.

I know I am much more fortunate than millions but I am seriously feeling this unemployment humiliation like hardcore. My personal value feels about...zero until I can do something and earn something and not be that oldest dependant on my parents' insurance papers.

I had figured I'd be out on my own by now, but I get that I'm not the only one having to cancel that flying the nest junk.

Nelnet please please pleaaase process this I'm-Broke-Don't-Charge-Me-Bro letter swiftly. I will make myself incredibly obnoxious with status updates until then. S'all I'm saying. Brace your businessy selves.

That train in Mirror's Edge. That train...

So who else feels like a wasteful sore on society's ass!!!


Anyway, I vow to dodge these oncoming anxiety attacks by attempting to be as proactive as possible. Watch your ass, Craigslist. And...everything else I owe. God, why do I let stuff snowball over and over again people're supposed to learn from this shit, right? I am not cut out for this responsible independant adult thing. I cynically consider mom's joking suggestion to just marry a rich bastard, but also cynically take to heart the fact that she calls me cold when it comes to romance. Hoo.

I think too much before bed.
noelleno: (BLUE: ffffffff)
I miss everybody


There's a baseball player for the Rays on tv whose last name is Gross

I bought chocolate chip Teddy Grahams today
And I have to get up at 5 tomorrow

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noelleno: (Default)
ELLE: STILL A SUPERHERO!!

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